great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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