i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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