**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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