Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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