Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
