I think scott just propositioned me for sex
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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