We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
