I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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