dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
