he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
