we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
