I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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