He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
