She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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