You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
