I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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