Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
