you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
