You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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