i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
