Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
