I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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