I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
