don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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