Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
do herpes really smell.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
