How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She announced her abortion via fbk
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
