Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
