Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
