i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize