Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
