Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
