wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
