Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
