Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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