Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
