the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
