bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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