she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
