i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
