I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We have started to decorate penises.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
