Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
