Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
