Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
