And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
