i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
