Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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