I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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