I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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