i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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