I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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