3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
