I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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