I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
