Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
