I'm eating all of the evidence.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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