I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
