She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize