six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
