I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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