Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
