All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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