wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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