Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
