yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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