Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
