I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought