Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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