I want to have your abortion
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???