...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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