p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing