I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
