theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
