Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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