Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
