3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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