u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
