Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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